You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
