I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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