i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize