I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
