I just threw up on my dentist
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
