Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
