I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this boner is exhausting
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
