There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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