I'm gonna have a badass scar
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
