And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize