you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
