i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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