You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
