sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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