By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
