my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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