One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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