so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
