what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
