You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
