I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
