I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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