I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You ruined the universe
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
