i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
