so explain again why im purple
no
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
