Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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