***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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