I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
