One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Jerry, you need to find god
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
