But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
