i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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