Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
