I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
