Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
