So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
