she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize