you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize