My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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