What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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