he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
