I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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