I just pynch a tree in the face
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
