It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Randomize
