Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
True college students do jello shots in the library
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
