Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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