Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
