So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
