WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
organizing the empties. That sober.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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