Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
