After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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