It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
