I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
