so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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