Nicole vs. Life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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