I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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