So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
