apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
