At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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