Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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