No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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