He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
