With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
